does not swim well with other children
And sometimes I think they do it deliberately.



Case in point, yesterday evening. I was doing the utterly dull back and forth and back and forth along the very edge, by the rope, with no real variation in speed, or random stopping and starting. A couple of other people were in the main part of the pool (ignoring the fast swimmers in the Real Lanes) and then in came Mr Brownian Motion. One cannot predict Mr BM's path, for it is random, and varied, and...actually, in some ways, he is more like a kitten that goes charging off in THIS direction, no THAT direction, then falls over, then sits a while and stares all big eyed, and then runs OVER HERE REALLY REALLY FAST and falls over own tail and SHINY THING and has a snooze and then HEY WHAT? I was chasing that!

You get the picture. Unpredictable. And not nearly as cute as a kitten.

Er, where was I?

Oh. Yes. Mr BM appears to be playing chicken with me. I'm assuming that he keeps swimming directly towards me, in my path, repeatedly, and then swimming away at the last minute with a wild splashing, because I keep getting caught in the splashing and he's giving me bloody funny looks when I do stop for a breather. Me, I ignore this in a la-la-la I am ignoring you way. Which means that when I next turn at the end of the pool and bother to look, yes, I can see damn well that he's heading right for me, with a smirk.

So, later, after too many repeats of this, when I am swimming along and CRASH into his belly, I rather lost it with him. He was standing directly in front of me. What he seems to have failed to realise is that I can't see the path ahead of me when I swim--dude, it's sidestroke--and so I am going to win this game of chicken every time. Blinded chickens do not spook! And if it means he gets punched in the belly because he is standing, right there, towards me, so bloody be it.

So, stopped dead, goggles off, earphones out, and he's just standing there, gawping at me like a drowning goldfish and I let rip slightly and he says...nothing. Goggles back on, earphones in, I swim on, and back. He was standing at the end of the pool. Remove earplugs again, and apologise for being quite so rude, and try to explain that I really just can't see what's in front of me when I swim and I'm awfully sorry I hit him, but wouldn't it make more sense to perhaps not swim or stand directly in someone's predictable path? It's rather like stepping into the cycle lane when you can see the bicycles coming. At which point, even though I had hit him, I was rather expecting an apology, even just a ritualistic, automatic sorry--isn't that obligatory on this landmass? Nope. No apology. Just a gormless stare and some "well, I can't see where I am going either when I swim backstroke."

Backstroke? When? Where? You were STANDING IN MY WAY. Arse.

Really, is it me? Am I being utterly unreasonable when I get wound up about people doing this sort of thing? (I can't believe I'm going on about this. Again. Haven't I got anything better to worry about?)

WHERE ARE MY TORPEDOES?

I tend to watch where people are going when I first get in, and try and find a route that doesn't tangle up with anyone else, and then head for an edge as soon as one is clear. Last in gets the most rubbish, slalomy route. It's not like the actual lanes, where you just pick the one with the right speed, and fall into the loop. If you make someone break their stroke-stride, even if you don't touch them, surely you apologise, at least with a half-nod-apologetic-grimace deal? And if you are in the slalomy bit you each try to figure out ways of getting the timing right to avoid this stuff. Don't you?

Full disclosure: last week, I accidentally kicked someone pretty hard, in the arse. It was entirely my fault, as I had drifted diagonally while not paying attention. I was mortified. And we spent a good five minutes apologising to each other and trying to insist that "no, no, it was my fault".

I am ridiculous. And still cross.